In 6 hours I will be on a flight back to the U.S., and to be honest I don't really know how to feel about that. This past week and a half have been both a struggle and so much fun. Sure I was cooped up in a hospital for four days, but I've also done some amazing sight seeing with my parents and family friends. I think this has given me a little different perspective of England because I've been able to see things that not many other study abroad students get too. We walked about Cambridge for a day, went into Lavenham, and have explored other Medieval villages around the Swindon area. Although, I'm still regaining strength and get tired easily, I've really enjoyed seeing the more quaint side to England. It's nice to be able to see some sheep, and swans close up too, or go for walks along footpaths in the English countryside.
It's not just the experiences I will miss, but the people as well. Between the choir, my work, and all the trips, I have met some pretty incredible people. My only hope is that we will stay in contact and one day meet again in the future. It breaks my heart a little knowing that there is a huge chance that I will never see any of these people ever again. Hopefully Facebook can bridge that gap a bit.
It's all just odd because I feel like this is totally separate from my study abroad experience, even though I am still in the same country. I no longer am a student, nor holding an internship, or living with my classmates. I am now totally a tourist. It seems the transition between student to tourist is just an odd blur in which neither stage ended nor began, they just are there. They may not make much sense but it denies me the feeling of finality. I know I am leaving England today, hopefully not forever, but for probably a long time, and it just hasn't hit me yet. I keep telling myself that when I get home, I will probably shut down in full on depressed mode, but I wonder if that will even happen. I mentioned in an earlier post that I am not a sentimental person, so I half expect to just wander around all summer in this half indifferent attitude that I don't really know what think about. I guess time will only tell what my attitude will be this summer.
I will desperately miss England. Sure, in America, you can go to the grocery store at 3 o'clock in the morning, but I will miss this different lifestyle. People ask me why I like England so much, and I can never quite put my thumb on it. Is is the constant tea drinking? The way cursing is accepted in everyday conversation? Or how walking from one place to another is widely accepted? It could be a mixture of all these things, or it could just be the atmosphere I love so much. Whatever the reason, I cannot wait to return, hopefully next time it will be indefinitely. I have this long term plan in my head of getting a company to sponsor me so I can move over here for good, but God knows if that will ever pan out.
My concern now is to get back to the states and try so hard not to get knocked off my feet from reverse culture shock. I'm thinking it will be harder than I expect. I've got a glorious scrapbook project waiting for me when I get back to keepsake all my London/England/Europe memories, so hopefully that will keep me sane. If not, my friends will just have to deal with me signing my emails with "cheers", describing food as "gorgeous", and me drinking Pimm's or any other English alcohol every time we go out. I'm not trying to be one of those annoying people that are pretending to be english, I'm just bring back old habits from my 8-year-old self (expect for the drinking part). If it keeps me sane for my last year of college, I see nothing wrong with it.
So, for now, goodbye England. I will miss your gloomy rains, your divine countrysides, your rich history, and your quirky people. My love for you will only make me work harder to return, so you have not seen the last of me, my dear England.
Cheers,
Janelle
P.S. This is not my last blog post, for I plan on compiling a list of restaurants, shops, and travel tips from the last few months in my next post. So don't disappear from me yet!
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